How to Earn the Attention of Interesting People

Amos Tversky had “the most terrifying mind most people had ever encountered.” Danny Kahneman on the other hand was quiet, introspective, and “always sure he was wrong.” In their unlikely collaboration, this two-man team of Israeli psychologists made landmark contributions in a somewhat unlikely field … economics.

Michael Lewis tells their story in The Undoing Project: The Friendship That Changed Our Minds.  Like every Michael Lewis book, The Undoing Project is a cerebral workout. It’s enlightening, it’s challenging, it’s inspiring and it’s incredibly entertaining. (It also ends with the most rewarding simple sentence of any book I’ve ever read … but you have to read the entire book for that to be meaningful).  

There’s a quote from Danny Kahneman that I can’t get out of my mind: “No one ever made a decision because of a number. They need a story.”  I sell forecasting software and I work with numbers every day. I’ve learned that the most convincing numbers are those that are backed with a plausible story, so of course I ate this up.

I try to read every word written by Michael Lewis, who also wrote Moneyball, The Big Short, The Blind Side, Liar’s Poker and other nonfiction books, along with occasional articles in Vanity Fair and other magazines.  As much as I enjoy his content, I’m every bit as interested in Michael Lewis the writer. 

Around the time The Undoing Project was published, he sat for a one-hour interview at New York University that was broadcast on C-SPAN. In response to a question toward the end of that session, Lewis opened up about the origins of his books. First, of course, he has to be curious about a story. Then, he seeks characters who have “literary dimensions to them … in situations that are really compelling.” And those characters “have to be willing to let me hang around.”

Well, sure … who wouldn’t want to hang around with the author of Moneyball, The Big Short, The Blind Side and Liar’s Poker? Still, Lewis truly works to earn his subjects’ interest, and he shared this tip:

"The great trick to getting people who are interesting to cooperate with you … is to be interesting to them … and useful…. I just do it kind of naturally. It’s not a ploy. But if you can somehow be helpful to them, and fun to be around, it’s amazing how much easier it is to be around them."

When it came to 76-year-old Danny Kahneman (Amos Tversky had passed away before Lewis started on The Undoing Project), Lewis expressed interest in the two psychologists’ work and personal relationships, as well as Kahneman’s childhood in Nazi-occupied France and his work as a psychologist in the Israeli Defense Forces. Even before he committed to writing a book, Lewis joined Kahneman on his race-walks through his California neighborhood, furiously scribbling away, trying to capture their conversations on his notepad. Lewis also shared advice and chunks of his time to help guide Kahneman through the publishing process for a book that the Israeli psychologist had written.  Their hang time was reciprocally beneficial and mutually interesting.

A.J. Liebling is another writer who shared an interesting story about how he worked to earn his subjects’ interest. Liebling is a writer from a different generation. He wrote for The New Yorker for more than 25 years in the mid-twentieth century. The Library of America gathered and published his World War II Writings, which is where I found the story that follows.

Writing about an upcoming interview with a French General, Liebling shared how he prepared to draw out the thoughts of this imperious officer: “From the man’s past you learn what questions are likely to stimulate a response; after he gets going you say just enough to let him know you appreciate what he is saying and to make him want to talk more.”

He then slips in this story of an earlier memorable interview: “One of the best preps I ever did was for a profile of Eddie Arcaro, the jockey. When I interviewed him the first question I asked was, “How many holes longer do you keep your left stirrup than your right?” Most jockeys on American tracks ride longer on their left side. That started him talking easily, and after an hour, during which I had put in about twelve words, he said, “I can see you’ve been around riders a lot.” I had, but only during the week before I was to meet him.”

The most reliable way to ensure that other people will find you interesting is to be interested – generally and specifically. Read widely and expose yourself to diverse ideas and views. If you’re preparing for a job interview, a sales presentation, a business lunch or just about any gathering that matters … do your homework. Learn enough – even if it’s only a few interesting details - to get the conversation rolling. Care enough to show your interest in other people’s experiences and ideas.  Stay alert for opportunities to be helpful. Be respectful, but not ultra-serious. As Michael Lewis suggests, be someone who’s fun to be around.

Originally posted to LinkedIn on December 19, 2017